


POI One Shots

by sanchothevirgo



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 01:03:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17294720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanchothevirgo/pseuds/sanchothevirgo
Summary: Just moving some of my wattpad works to here because I use Ao3 more now. These are just some shitty one shots I wrote a while ago.





	POI One Shots

CINDERELLA BUT WORSE...

Rooterella woke up early in the morning, like every other day and stretched before she jumped out of bed and let birds dress her because she was a psychopath.  
Then she danced down the stairs to feed the chickens.  
"Hello, chickens. I have no corn or bread but here, have some chocolate!" Root giggled, tossing chocolate into the ground outside before skipping back inside to clean the floor.  
You see, Root's wicked step mother made her clean the house, but Root was very bad at following directions. "Oh, Bear!"  
Her dog ran over to her, paws all muddy from sleeping outside. "We're going to clean the floor. With blood!"  
She laughed psychotically. "Fine. Well use mud. Where are those little mice? ZOE! CARTER! FUSCO! REESE! WHERE ARE YOU!?"  
Four little mice scuddled over to her. "There you are! Hi! We're going to clean the--"  
The doorbell cut her off.  
" I AM FUCKING SPEAKING! " Root shouted at the door before running over, with a broom, and opening the door to reveal... A short man. "What are you?"  
"I am Harold Finch, King... Whoever the king is, sent me to invite all residents to the palace to celebrate something or other. I wasn't really listening."  
"Great! I have to evil step whores who would love to go! To bad I'm going to murder them..."  
"What?"  
"What? Nothing. Thanks for the invite. Bye bye." Root slammed the door as her evil step mother came down the stairs. "Who was that, Samantha?"  
"My name is Root, bitch. It was some nerd inviting us to some celebration for King Samaritan or Princess Sameen or... Something. I wasn't really listening, Elias. And you aren't really a woman!"  
"Be silent, Root! I will go get your sisters!"  
"They aren't women either!"  
"Dominic! Greer!" Elias ran up the stairs, holding his dress up.  
Root listened to her manly sister men singing horribly up stairs.  
\---  
"I can't go!?" Root slapped her step mother in the face. "I'm the only real woman here! You can dress up as females ask you want, but you still won't have a vagina!"  
Greer glared at her. "You can't go because you're a psychopath and Princess Shaw won't every marry you!"  
"She won't marry you! She is lesbian! You are men! And you make very ugly females! Who the fuck wears puffy pink dresses!?"  
"Don't hate because your don't look as good as is." Dominic flipped his long hair, that then fell off because it was a wig. "Mother! Glue my hair on!"  
"Glue your own hair on, ugly." Elias went to go get into the carriage.  
"IT'S THE TWENTY FIRST CENTURY! BITCHES DON'T USE CARRIAGES ANYMORE!" Root shouted as her sisters went to get in the carriage as well.  
"Where is my fucking fairy god mother?"  
"Right behind you!" Root turned around to see a little girl, about ten years old behind her. "I'm Gen! And it's fairy ungodly daughter! I'm also a spy!"  
"Whatever. Turn my pumpkin into a carriage and send me to the ball!"  
"That's not how it works! Now, first, I'm going to put a chip in your brain so your can communicate with the Machine!" Gen made a wand appear out of nowhere and suddenly there was indeed a chip in her head behind her right ear. "Now, your clothes look hideous. Be less ugly."  
"You're mean!" Root shouted as a short unfluffy unpink dress appeared on her.  
"You look fabulous. Now, your mice will become horses and your horse will become a driver and your house will behind limo and you get glass shoes and--"  
"Hell no! Glass shoes are uncomfortable as fuck!"  
"Then you get no shoes at all! And... Oh, be home before midnight or your head will spontaneously explode! Have fun!" Gen disappeared.  
\---  
Root just arrived at the ball, and she noticed Princess Sameen Shaw across the room. "Wait... America doesn't have a fucking king..."  
Root pondered this while Princess Shaw threatened to stab anyone who touched her with the heal of her shoe.  
"You! Woman who seems not to give a shit about me!" Shaw walked over to Root.  
"What? Hi. You're hot. What? How does America have a king?"  
"America doesn't have a king. I killed my father this morning."  
"I'm so proud of you. Let's get married."  
"Okay." Shaw shrugged.  
"Let's dance so bitches know you're mine."  
"Bitch, I am not yours. If anything, you're mine."  
"You wanna fight?"  
So, instead of dancing the two women started shooting at each other. With guns. Root had been keeping her two guns tied to get thigh with duct tape, and Shaw had been keeping her gun taped to her dress at her shoulder blade. Now their guns were in their hands and bullets were flying.  
"So, how'd you kill the king?" Root asked, dodging a bullet.  
"Poisoned his soup." Shaw shouted, firing her gun. "He was trying to set me up with ugly men dressed up as women."  
"Ew." A bullet left Root's gun and entered Shaw's right shoulder as the clock struck midnight. "Shit gotta go!"  
"Wait! What's your name!?" Shaw asked, bleeding out but Root had already ran from the palace.  
\---  
Root was sitting on her bed, talking with her mice, cleaning her guns, with her dog asleep in her lap when the doorbell rang.  
She shoved her dog off of her and ran to the window. It was Shaw and Harold. Gasp!  
"Shaw is here!!!" Root squealed and ran to her door but... It was locked!  
"Yes, we're the only girls here." Root heard Elias tell them.  
"We're looking for the woman who shot Princess Shaw." Harold said. "Whoever has a gun with bullets that match the one Sameen pulled out of her own shoulder--"  
"Will get to marry me. Blah blah blah, where are your guns?" Shaw asked the many women men.  
Elias had a shotgun, Greer had a rifle, and Dominic had a grenade.  
"I was shot by a 9 mm. And... A grenade is not a gun." Shaw groaned. "Onto the next house!"  
Bear started barking upstairs.  
"Take me to that dog!" Shaw and Harold ran upstairs.  
"Yo! Open this fucking door!" Root shouted.  
Shaw kicked the door down, and Root handed her a bullet that matched the one Shaw was shot with. "Sameen, t'is I!"  
"Why are you talking like that?"  
"I just imagined this would be more badass. Oh, well." Root shrugged.  
"I will marry you! What's your name?"  
"Root. You know literally anyone could have a 9 mm. You could have ended up marrying a man dressed as a women."  
"I took my chances. Nice dog."

And they all lived happily ever after.  
Except Elias, Dominic, and Greer. They got dead. Stupid Dominic didn't know how to work his grenade and killed them all. The end


End file.
